Publications about Sharon's hypnotherapy & a sample of coaching articles by Sharon published on the Mind Tools website

Publication 2009 :
'The soothing voice of reason can help ease life’s pressures' >>

News :
‘True life story - Helping you think about your life’ >>

Article 1:
‘The Language of My Motivation’ >>

Article 2:
'The Stories That Run Our Lives' >>

Article 3:
‘Why Can I Never Say NO?' >>

"The Stories That Run Our Lives"

Have you ever noticed the little voice inside your head that seems to be on a constant loop? Sometimes it makes us feel good, but many times it holds us back from being the best we can be: It usually goes unchallenged, and at its worst it can be down right destructive and debilitating.

Today let’s take a few moments to stop and listen to this voice – really listen. What is it saying? What tone is it using? Is it helping or hindering us? Is it coming up with all sorts of excuses about why we should continue to put up with situations we don’t like or want? And do we believe it?

Okay. Imagine someone takes you into a darkened room, shuts the door and then tells you the place is full of poisonous snakes…. What will your reaction be?? Most people would suddenly feel their hearts pounding, they’d break out into a sweat and maybe have difficulty breathing.

Then the light comes on and you see that the room is empty. Your nervous system reacted the same way to an imaginary scene as it would have done to a real one. It doesn’t know the difference between fact and fiction.

So how does this relate to our little inner voice?

Well, think about various individuals you may have difficulty relating to, particularly people you don’t know very well. And think about situations you find challenging and try to avoid because you don’t want the hassle.

As you think about these things, listen to what dialogue is going on in your head. It’s interesting to observe, isn’t it?

Is it possible you have created a certain impression of someone or some situation based on other people’s thoughts and beliefs rather than on your own? This can be particularly true of comments parents and teachers may have unwittingly made about us when we were young and very impressionable. As we saw earlier, your subconscious doesn’t differentiate between what is real and what is imagined, so you will react according to what your inner voice tells you.

Some examples might be:

He’s so blinkered in his views
She always ignores me
I never say the right thing
I couldn’t possibly do that. It’s much too hard.

If your dialogue is positive then that’s great - there’s no need to change it! But if, as in these cases, it’s negative then by simply changing the words we use to talk to ourselves, we can change our perception of the outside world.

Challenge your preconceived ideas by asking the following questions:

Is this really true?
Is this how other people would see it?
Is this the only way that the situation/person could be perceived or described?
If I got rid of this story how would it change my life?

The above examples could then be re-phrased like this:

He is very clear on what he expects and needs
She is extremely focused
I am sensitive to people’s moods and feelings and I say what is appropriate at the time
I have inner resources I probably don’t know about. Challenges help me uncover them.

It is also important to challenge yourself when you hear comments like “Well, I tried” or “I’ll try and do that” rattling around in your head. Be truthful, is this the way you appease yourself when life doesn’t go the way you want it to?

When we talk about trying we are not talking about doing. Normally when we try to do something, we’re actually only making a feeble attempt at it and are not 100% committed. Somewhere there’s a lack of drive and determination, and a hidden agenda that helps us NOT succeed. To find what this hidden agenda might be, do the exercise that follows. Banish the stories you tell yourself each day that hold you back, and change to an uplifting, positive and nurturing one!

Ask yourself “What is my story?”
Eg I try but I never seem to succeed at anything
I don’t get on with my boss because he just doesn’t see things the way I do
I’m not good enough

2. By running this story on an endless loop what do I get to avoid?
Eg I get to avoid having to take on challenging roles
I get to avoid having to make an effort with my boss
I get to avoid having to prove my worth

3. What’s the pay off?
Eg I prove I’m right when I get overlooked for promotion
I avoid my boss so that there’s no confrontation
I don’t put myself in situations where I might be seen to be lacking so I can’t possibly fail

4. What’s the cost?
Eg I never find out what I’m really capable of
My work relationships are unsatisfying and superficial
I only work within the limited confines of my comfort zone and so never allow myself to grow in any way.

5. How could I change my story to make it a positive one?
Eg I commit 100% to doing …… the best that I possibly can
Rather than taking my boss’s comments so personally, I now make every effort to see things from his point of view
I have talents and strengths and I play to these, making them stronger and better.

Let me know how you get on with this. I’d be really interested to hear about the stories you tell yourself every day, and how you change them for the better!

Sharon

© Mind Tools 2007