about Sharon's hypnotherapy & a sample of
coaching articles by Sharon published on the Mind
"The Stories That
Run Our Lives"
Have you ever noticed the little
voice inside your head that seems to be on a constant
loop? Sometimes it makes us feel good, but many
times it holds us back from being the best we
can be: It usually goes unchallenged, and at its
worst it can be down right destructive and debilitating.
Today let’s take a few moments to stop and listen
to this voice – really listen. What is it saying?
What tone is it using? Is it helping or hindering
us? Is it coming up with all sorts of excuses
about why we should continue to put up with situations
we don’t like or want? And do we believe it?
Okay. Imagine someone takes you into a darkened
room, shuts the door and then tells you the place
is full of poisonous snakes…. What will your reaction
be?? Most people would suddenly feel their hearts
pounding, they’d break out into a sweat and maybe
have difficulty breathing.
Then the light comes on and you see that the room
is empty. Your nervous system reacted the same
way to an imaginary scene as it would have done
to a real one. It doesn’t know the difference
between fact and fiction.
So how does this relate to our little inner voice?
Well, think about various individuals you may
have difficulty relating to, particularly people
you don’t know very well. And think about situations
you find challenging and try to avoid because
you don’t want the hassle.
ever stopped to wonder why you do
the things you do?
you ever noticed the little voice
inside your head that seems to be
on a constant loop?
Is it possible
you have created a certain impression
of someone or some situation based
on other people’s thoughts and beliefs
rather than on your own?
many times have you said “yes”,
when really you wanted to say “no”?
do you use that could be holding
your life so busy that you have
forgotten to listen to your inner
you do today to improve one aspect
of your life?
you think about these things, listen to what dialogue
is going on in your head. It’s interesting to
observe, isn’t it?
Is it possible you have created a certain impression
of someone or some situation based on other people’s
thoughts and beliefs rather than on your own?
This can be particularly true of comments parents
and teachers may have unwittingly made about us
when we were young and very impressionable. As
we saw earlier, your subconscious doesn’t differentiate
between what is real and what is imagined, so
you will react according to what your inner voice
Some examples might be:
so blinkered in his views
She always ignores me
I never say the right thing
I couldn’t possibly do that. It’s much too hard.
If your dialogue is positive then that’s great
- there’s no need to change it! But if, as in
these cases, it’s negative then by simply changing
the words we use to talk to ourselves, we can
change our perception of the outside world.
Challenge your preconceived ideas by asking the
this really true?
Is this how other people would see it?
Is this the only way that the situation/person
could be perceived or described?
If I got rid of this story how would it change
The above examples could then be re-phrased like
is very clear on what he expects and needs
She is extremely focused
I am sensitive to people’s moods and feelings
and I say what is appropriate at the time
I have inner resources I probably don’t know about.
Challenges help me uncover them.
It is also important to challenge yourself when
you hear comments like “Well, I tried”
or “I’ll try and do that” rattling around
in your head. Be truthful, is this the way you
appease yourself when life doesn’t go the way
you want it to?
When we talk about trying we are not talking
about doing. Normally when we try
to do something, we’re actually only making a
feeble attempt at it and are not 100% committed.
Somewhere there’s a lack of drive and determination,
and a hidden agenda that helps us NOT succeed.
To find what this hidden agenda might be, do the
exercise that follows. Banish the stories you
tell yourself each day that hold you back, and
change to an uplifting, positive and nurturing
Ask yourself “What is my story?”
Eg I try
but I never seem to succeed at anything
I don’t get on with my boss
because he just doesn’t see things the way I do
I’m not good enough
2. By running this story
on an endless loop what do I get to avoid?
Eg I get
to avoid having to take on challenging roles
I get to avoid having to
make an effort with my boss
I get to avoid having to
prove my worth
3. What’s the pay off?
Eg I prove
I’m right when I get overlooked for promotion
I avoid my boss so that there’s
I don’t put myself in situations
where I might be seen to be lacking so I can’t
4. What’s the cost?
Eg I never
find out what I’m really capable of
My work relationships are
unsatisfying and superficial
I only work within the limited
confines of my comfort zone and so never allow
myself to grow in any way.
5. How could I change my
story to make it a positive one?
Eg I commit
100% to doing …… the best that I possibly can
Rather than taking my boss’s
comments so personally, I now make every effort
to see things from his point of view
I have talents and strengths
and I play to these, making them stronger and
Let me know how you get on
with this. I’d be really interested to hear about
the stories you tell yourself every day, and how
you change them for the better!
Mind Tools 2007